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btard files (3)

1 .

/co/'s journal. May 10th, 2009

a /b/tard died today, and nobody cared. worse yet, the culprit must still be out there. but /b/ had a lot of enemies.
so what is it? was somebody just cleaning up the trash of the internet? did the cancer he often spoke of finally catch up to him? or is somebody out there targeting boards?
need to warn the others, and need to get on the trail of whoever did this. will write again soon...



/co/'s journal. May 10th. 9pm

/x/ was assaulted. she escaped relatively unscathed. assailant ran off when /tg/ happened to arrive. accounts and evidence identify the attacker as /b/.

has /x/ been dealing with the occult too long that she's waking up ghosts? a copycat feeding off /b/'s infamy? or is /b/ playing us all for suckers and avenging his own 'death'?

leave /x/ in the care of /tg/ for now. he's proven himself tough and trustworthy enough to do it, even in the face of /b/ himself. he thanks me for it. not quite sure why

head home for now to regroup. the missus brings us cocoa. she says it has spices in it that i can't pronounce. it's amazing. god, don't let her have to get involved in this


/co/'s journal
follow up bears reports claiming that /d/ was attacked. Says the suspect spoke Russian. doesn't sound like /b/. /d/'s on the level, but can never tell if she's trustworthy. used to flirt before marrying /ck/. She might just be wanting the attention, but she doesn't know /ck/'s the jealous type.

...I'm thinking in the wrong direction. thoughts to logical to follow a random trail. /b/ was a collective of people. one who spoke Russian??
make calls to the usual allies. there's one place i haven't looked yet, and i have to hit it tonight.

...trying to avoid a wet dream with /d/ and /ck/ wrestling in oil later




/co/'s journal. May 11th, midnight

/b/'s funeral was a bustling event. too crowded for good questioning or investigation. that's why i need to hit the grave tonight, a day after the burial. there may be some key there.

meet with friends for my visit. /tg/ is best with /x/ for now.
/v/ agrees to come to the grave. mentions a squabble with /a/ briefly. the consistency of their relationship assures me a bit.
go to pick up /k/. i don't even knock and he's there, armed like an NRA meeting. they are my allies for a reason. we all expect trouble, and we get it when the zombies start popping up

we finally reach the tombstone. "Cannot connect to server. Please try again later" /b/ always had a sense of humor, even if it was a sick one.


/co/'s journal. March 11th, 1 am

clues at last. /b/'s grave is here, body freshly buried.

too fresh. someone has been here, and after the funeral took place. footprints fresh as well. not much to go by. subject is probably male. don't feel like digging up to see if /b/ is still there. mostly out of respect. partly wonder what i'd find.


return home...
house in ashes... smoldering wood in the shape of a message. "404." /ck/ alright, but the numbers mock my impotency as a sleuth. it's telling me my answer. it's an address. if memory serves, that's right around where /gif/ used to live until recently...

the wife wants to come. no where else feels safe. i have to bring her. will never forgive myself if something happens to her.

perhaps. perhaps if i think that enough, it will be too obvious a plot point to come true...




/co/'s journal. 3:14 am.

possible last entry. wife laughs every time i write that line. must try not to abuse it. should we survive.

head to /gif/'s old house. /k/, /v/ and /ck/ still in tow. /v/ seems curious. angry too, it's to be expected of /v/. believe /k/ is in it for the promise of more violence. /ck/ is here because she cares

/gif/ is long gone, naturally. moved a few blocks away for reasons unknown. maybe he knew trouble was coming. he was always a bit more active than the rest of us.

break his lock open to find the first floor empty. not so lucky on the second.

meet someone new. rare to find someone like that around here. wild-eyed, greasy-haired man. he has /b/'s corpse with him. claims to be one of his.

"/bif/" it identifies itself as. claims there is no more /b/ or /gif/ anymore. Biff is clearly a lunatic necrophile. battle's fierce. he's quicker than all of us. dodges gunshots like a shadow. takes us down with alarming speed and efficiency. head hurts.

repaid in kind with a bullet to the lunatic's head while he's busy gloating. apparently didn't notice /ck/. how i love my woman.

head still hurts. but is this freak the killer? just some murderous scum? a fan of /b/'s gone mad?

need to rest. can't. don't know when it will strike again. patterns forming, though. maybe targeting the female boards, after /b/ left. should /d/ be considered a woman, anyway...

who can be trusted? will this madness be catching? and who killed /b/, and how?

head hurts... too many injuries and thoughts at the moment. will press on anyway.



/co/'s journal. 4:06 am.

tired. we all seem to be running on adrenaline at this point. can't let that make us sloppy. take /b/'s body back and bury it proper.

/ck/ is the only one to cry at this second funeral, because manly tears don't count. /b/ was a jerk, at his worst, not a monster. he was a comedian, who saw life as a joke and all of us were punchlines. /b/ had some shining moments, when he wasn't raiding the other boards like some kind of barbarian. he deserved better than this

/v/ seems disturbed. know he's heard talk comparing him to /b/. never sat right with him. maybe imagining in his shoes. remind him it's not healthy thinking. make a /v/tard joke. crowd laughs. snare drum. mood a bit lighter when we leave the graveyard

Moot help us all, I was going to find this bastard...




/co/'s journal. March 11th, 4:30 am.

check on /d/. still cleaning up the damage from her earlier assault. ask more on the attacker. describes a large bearded man. likely obese, which would not explain how it caused so much damage. may need to consult /r/ for any profiles it may fit. hate talking to him. comes off as aloof and only interested in debts and favors like some sort of demon

/d/'s information doesn't add up. /b/ was dead and buried. then /b/ attacked /x/. the odd Biff character digs up and claims to be a part of /b/ himself. someone burns down my home while I'm away for hardly any time at all. like I'm being watched, even as i pursue them... none of it makes sense.

then it adds up. it never make sense. it's /b/. the angle you expect is never what's really there. i find myself thinking outloud.

"we are annonymous..."

/b/... /b/ was the cancer that was killing /b/. it was a cultish, one-man civil war




/co/'s journal. 4:35 am

quickly dispense orders. refuse to explain, since time may be vital. any could be next. innocent little /c/. the harmless and lonesome immigrant, /jp/. the reclusive and mysterious /po/

i practically have to order /v/ to go and protect /a/. i don't know how many /b/tards there are, but they'd be spreading like wildfire.
tell /k/ to go get /fit/ and some shovels and bring /b/'s body back to /tg/. i apologize quickly, but he seems to understand. at least, understands his orders

take /ck/ with me. nowhere is safe. no one left i can totally trust. try to tell her it, but she holds my hand. can't say lay that burden on her. swear she suspects from the look in her eye.


/b/ was random. but he had always had so many voices. so many personalities. he was never one man. he was an avatar for a world. when he was gone, the /b/tards broke loose.

and the only people who could possibly benefit were the /b/tards. /b/ killed /b/ so that there would be more /b/'s. it was dying so more would be born. it was a goddamn koozbanian!

...i need sleep. i truly wish i wasn't about to call back the soul of the most dangerous one among us, just when he was out of our hair.

I am waiting for /x/ to finish her conjuring right now. /tg/ has some enchanted sword or another at the ready. he's sent the word out to everyone to keep anyone trying to get into his house, or to lock themselves in their own homes and do the same.

/ck/ makes more coco. it takes all my strength not to cry



4:47 am.

incantation nearly complete. can hear the epic rumble and shouting of combat outside. can't help but smile. a lot of people trying to stop you usually means you're doing the right thing. almost envy those caught in the battle against a bunch of blindly wild lunatics

/x/ manages to get /b/'s ghost brought back. asks him to stop the damage going on. to call off his /b/tards. offers him anything in exchange. /tg/ limits that to "almost anything."

/b/ is stubborn. /b/ is stupid. /b/ adores the chaos it's causing. it is breeding more madness and rage and hate than it had in life. it had multiplied its influence on our world a hundredfold.

we have all heard enough, /b/ included. struggle. /b/ is weak as as spirit, but slippery and surprising. we can only keep it at bay, keeping it inside the summoning room.

that's all we need. /k/ returns with /b/'s corpse, bleeding and dirty himself. he looks naked somehow, and i see he's been stripped of his guns somehow. at least, the ones i can see. perhaps he spent all their munitions fighting his way in.

he throws the body to the ground, /x/ quickly conjuring a binding spell. /b/'s spirit is stuck where it is, writhing and shrieking before /x/ hits it with a spell. it's a nonsensical string of sounds, barely pronouncable by human tongues. "gtfi."

/b/'s ghost is hurled into his body. never comes out. /b/ awakes. seems very tame, even for when he was alive. the sounds of combat outside die out. /b/ excuses himself. says he has traitors to hunt and followers to reclaim.



5:19 am

we let /b/ leave. he's less harm alive, being a sort of cork for idiots and savages.

I lean on my wife's shoulder. it's just to rest, but she's dragged me home like this before i realize it. silently observe that /m/ works fast... with a little help from Moot perhaps

I'm so damn tired. she takes my coat and hat, and finally my mask. she's the only one to see beneath it...

and she kisses me. it's a kiss with a fire behind it. she kisses me to celebrate that we're alive. I celebrate back with her, holding her tight against me in our bed for a while. sleep...

yea. just another day as /co/

2 .

Is this Watchmen copypasta?

3 .

Thanks for reposting the story here luffy316.
I got a kick out of it the first time I read it.

4 .

was meant to be a Watchman parody, what with the "comedian died" and "Rorschach journal" references. things got kind of on their own spin by the end of things
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